He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
