But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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