After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
