Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
