I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
