Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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