Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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