just tell him i said nine months
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
