Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex on a dog bed..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
