Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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