it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
