i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
