her vagine was all disorganized.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
