This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
