I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
