apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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