Whod you bang
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
