Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
