I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
