if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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