On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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