no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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