There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
