i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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