Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
