I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
