i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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