put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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