i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
