Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
