he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
