Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
