You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
