id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
