I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
