Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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