Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
