i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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