i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
