Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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