so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
