She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
