youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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