I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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