my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
