i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
