Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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