i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Four minutes until I can fart!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
