Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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