these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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