If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
