I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
handjob tips. give me some.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
