I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
