It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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