who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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