I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
